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If you’ve ever tried to figure out what you need to say or do to “get” a certain person to love you – or even changed yourself in order to earn or keep someone’s love – you may be chasing love outside of yourself. 

On a deep, unconscious level part, you may be thinking, “If I can win (or keep) this person’s love, I’ll finally feel lovable and everything in my life will be complete.”

When you put the key to your happiness in someone else’s hands – if they don’t do what you want, you can take that to mean that you’re not worthwhile or lovable!

If you don’t learn to find the love you’re seeking inside yourself first, it will keep you chasing love on the outside that you think is going to heal you – but it never does.

Chasing Love? Here Is How to Find Love…The truth is, falling in love with yourself is the only way to actually believe that someone else will really love you – and the only way to TRULY feel secure in a relationship.

If you don’t fall in love with yourself first, you’ll always be “faking” your way through love. You’ll have to try really hard to become what someone else wants. It’s exhausting to keep up the false facade!

Also, if you’re not true to yourself – when someone tells you they love you, you won’t believe them anyway.

In order to stop chasing love outside of yourself, you first need to realize that love doesn’t come from somewhere “out there” – it comes from INSIDE yourself.

To discover this love inside yourself, you need to decide that YOU are worthy of your own time and energy. You’re worthy of becoming curious about who you are, caring about your desires, and becoming engaged in your own life.

Then you need to decide that you’re worth including in a loving relationship – instead of suffocating yourself trying to become what you think is going to appeal to someone else.

Once you learn to get the love you’re seeking from INSIDE yourself first, you’ll start attracting people who want to love you just because you’re YOU!

You may think that if you stop presenting a certain way, you’re going to lose someone’s love – or you won’t ever get their love in the first place. This only increases the shame and decreases your feelings of self-worth.

When you start eroding away your self-esteem this way, it will cost you more than love – it will cost you in ALL areas of your life.

The more you’re willing to honor yourself and be proud of who you are, the more REAL love you can receive and the more you can believe it.

It all starts with the relationship you have with YOURSELF – including your opinions, your passions, your purpose, and being willing to discover who you really are. 

Discovering who you are and what you want takes time, energy, and commitment – but the benefit is that you’ll start feeling love because you’ll find that there’s somebody “in there” TO love!

See what happens when you start bringing yourself to the table – and realize that ALL of you is worthy of love, not just the parts that you want to show.

Love, Helena

P.S. – If you’re ready to start attracting high-quality men who are looking to be in a committed relationship, see my bio for instant access to my FREE “3 Keys To Attract The Man You Want” report and in-depth audio training.

Helena Hart

As a Certified Life and Relationship Coach with a masters degree in Psychology, a Master Coach Teacher for Rori Raye, and author of “Attract The Man You Want,” Helena Hart helps people all over the world effortlessly attract love into their lives – and she can get results for you quickly!


If you’re ready to inspire the kind of deep attraction and devotion that makes a man fall in love and want to be with you forever, visit You can instantly download your FREE “3 Keys To Attract The Man You Want” report and in-depth audio training!

What Do You Think?

4 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Cindy C Blair Sep 15, 2016 at 3:24 am

    Helena thank you. It took me 48 yrs to relize the problem was me not loving and respecting myself. I try talking to young girls/woman. They think a man is the answer to happiness. By loving and respectinf ourselves it open a whole new world a loving one.

  • Leigha Lake

    Leigha Lake Sep 7, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    Great article Helena!! Such wisdom in this post!!


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