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Have you ever heard a screamer next door and wondered: “How can she possibly be making that much noise?” Or maybe you’ve been with a lady who hasn’t made a peep and thought: “Is she enjoying this at all?”

Well my friend, you aren’t alone.

In 2006, Dutch researcher Janniko Georgiadis put out a research paper entitled “Regional Cerebral Blood Flow Changes Associated with Climatically Induced Orgasm in Women”.

Fancy words that mean he led a team doing MRI scans on women’s brains as they orgasmed.

Lucky bastard.

Anyways, he observed that as women approach higher levels of sexual arousal, the left orbitofrontal cortex starts to turn off.

Do you know what the left orbitofrontal cortex is responsible for?

Moral judgment, social reasoning, and self-censoring thought – it basically tells her what she SHOULDN’T or DOESN’T want to do based on her beliefs about the experience she is having.

For example, if her man wants to move right to sex too quickly, her orbitofrontal cortex says something like:

He’ll think it’s stupid if I ask him to slow down. Why doesn’t he understand that I can’t just want it all of a sudden? I know I won’t come. This never used to be a problem. Maybe something’s wrong with me.

If she does end up having sex but isn’t fully aroused it says:

Is he getting bored? Am I making a weird face right now? Does my stomach look fat? Will he think I’m weird if I tell him I want to be spanked? Am I weird if I want to be spanked?

BUT if she reaches full arousal and the orbitofrontal cortex is turned off:

She’ll get super wet, she’ll climax much faster, and her body will begin to associate sexual arousal with feeling loved – a key component to the success of any long term relationship.

Once the party is over and she starts to wake up again from her sex-induced trance, her orbitofrontal cortex will turn right back on with:

…. I was loud again, wasn’t I? I just can’t help myself. Do you think the neighbours heard?? I’m so embarrassed.”

Now, her reasoning for having these judgemental thoughts is never going to be “Bae, my left orbitofrontal cortex is too fired up.”

So to bypass all these judgements, fears, and concerns we must focus on the actions we take.

Instead of simply saying “You’re beautiful” – gently take her hand, kiss it lightly, look directly into her eyes and THEN tell her she’s absolutely gorgeous.

Get that move down pat and her entire body is going to tell her left orbitofrontal cortex to shut the hell up because her knees just went weak and something amazing is about to happen.

The goal is to ultimately find ways to make her feel safe, special, and loved because these emotions generate sexual arousal for women in long term relationships.

This can be done with something as simple as lighting candles/incense, playing nice music, and giving her a gentle foot rub while she tells you about her day.

The mood of the room, being physically close to her man, and the warm touch all come together to calm her body down and ultimately turn her on because of how loved she feels.

From there, it’s just a matter of taking things slow so the orbitofrontal cortex has the time it needs to turn off and let her to go wild.

Now, I’m not saying all women are always become screamers no matter the circumstance. There are times when she simply isn’t going to totally let go — like when there are kids in the next room.

But when we consider how often women report being unaware of how much sound they make – particularly as orgasm approaches – it absolutely shows there is a link between being loud and highly aroused.

The more turned on she gets, the louder she gets. The louder she gets, the more she loses herself in the experience. The more she loses herself in experience, the more she wants to do it again.

Remember: By taking actions that make her feel safe, special, and loved you completely bypass her mind and its orbitofrontal cortex because you are communicating directly to her body.

Once her body has the opportunity truly feel loved, she may only need 5 or 10 minutes of relaxation before she finds herself getting turned on.

And now all you need to do is put it to use. Which will be fun.

I promise.

Mark Stefanishyn

Mark Stefanishyn believes the invisible factor pulling all the strings and levers in long term relationships is how the female body works.


Our culture has over-intellectualized relationships. Check out Mark’s free Relationship Minimalism One Pager to get the essence of a loving relationship on a single page.

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