One of the most common fears I hear from the women I work with who have broken free from a toxic relationship is, “I’m afraid I’m going to end up with another man who might be just like my ex.”
This fear is completely valid and normal. If even the thought of dating and being with someone new feels terrifying and overwhelming, please know you’re not alone!
Here are some guidelines that have helped my clients start healing their hearts, and begin moving forward toward the love and relationship they deserve. I specifically teach my clients how men and relationships really work, so they can see the “red flags” from a mile away and experience what it really feels like to lean back, settle in and not work at all while a man moves a relationship forward. Men are really predictable, if we know what to look for.
If you don’t learn how men and relationships really work, you’ll spend your precious time and energy thinking about the relationship you just left, or worrying about being in another relationship similar to the one you were just in, and having the real love you desire will feel almost unattainable.
Once you learn how men and relationships really work, you’ll truly experience men and love in a whole new way. A way that feels good and inspires you to allow the right kind of men to get close to you.
Dating Is Not About Finding the Love of Your Life.
If you can change your perspective around what dating is – it will help you feel more grounded, safe and confident and make things so much easier for you.
Dating is really about “observing” men and noticing how you feel when you’re with them AND when you’re not with them. Sometimes after meeting a man, we will start to feel anxious, if this happens consistently, then your intuition is talking to you.
When we think of dating as looking for “the one,” we automatically put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we tend to put up walls to feel safe and these walls accidentally push good men away.
Here’s Where to Start if You’re Nervous Or Resisting Dating Again:
Step 1: Start Imagining Your Heart Is Open When You’re Around Men
Whether you’re in the grocery store, at the gas station, at a friend’s get together – open your heart.
Step 2: Get Yourself on at Least One Dating Site or App
Then when you’re ready:
Let men message you. Your job is to simply respond.
A man messages, “Hi, how’s it going?”
You: “Hi there, I feel pretty happy. I feel excited about (fill in the blank). What about you?”
Him: Answers back.
Notice if he asks more questions or if he leaves the ball in your court.
You don’t want to be the one moving things forward. This is how you weed out men who aren’t into pursuing from the very beginning. No drama or getting blindsided.
A man who’s genuinely interested will move things forward all on his own. It’s in his DNA!
This Is What a Typical, Healthy Online Dating Scenario Would Look Like:
Man messages you
He asks more questions
You respond and ask him similar ones
He asks for your number
You give it to him
He calls you
- Don’t talk for more than 20 minutes. (It’s super easy to create an “imaginary” man and relationship by spending time texting and on the phone without actually meeting him. Don’t do this.)
- He’ll ask you out to coffee, drinks or lunch.
- You meet up with him – keep the first date under an hour. (Leave with mystery!)
- Notice how you feel when you’re with him.
- He’ll let you know he had a great time either on the date or via text – he may even ask to see you again on your coffee date.
- Then your job is to simply respond to his “energy” coming towards you.
- Things should keep moving forward pretty easily and effortlessly.
Here Are a Few “Red Flags” to Notice in the Very Beginning of Dating:
- He’s content to only email or text – don’t waste your time.
- He doesn’t ask you questions – don’t waste your time.
- The other side of the spectrum is – if a man moves things forward so quickly, he’s telling you he loves you and you’re the love of his life within 3 months of dating – this is a red flag. (I’m not saying this can’t ever happen – just don’t let yourself become invested before 3 months!)
From now on, dating is not about finding “the one” but learning how to express who you really are. Once you learn how to express yourself in a way that brings the right men closer, you’ll start to rebuild your intuition and trust in yourself AND men.
Here’s a Typical Scenario That Happens All Too Often Out in the Dating World:
Imagine right now 5 men are messaging you and showing interest.
What’s a Goddess to do? She allows them all to get to know her! Until one man steps up – this looks like his actions and words consistently matching up and him showing her he’s interested in a long term, committed relationship – ONLY then does she decide whether or not to choose him.
A Goddess doesn’t choose a man before he makes it apparent that he’s completely committed to her. This will save you from experiencing unnecessary heartbreak.
Women usually choose a man before he even knows how he feels and then she puts all of her energy into hoping he’s the one who can make her happy. I used to put myself in these types of situations too.
When dating becomes more about observing how you feel when you’re with a man, you don’t have to worry about trusting HIM. You only need to trust how you feel.
Let me know how things go! I love hearing from you!
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It teaches you the 3 Simple Steps any woman can take to make a man not just “fall” for a girl. . . but to actually make him obsessed with her so HE decides he WANTS to be serious… Click here!