“He told me he doesn’t know why but his feelings are changing and he doesn’t feel the way he used to. When I question him and ask him how his feelings can change so quickly, he doesn’t know. I try and tell him how great we are together and that no relationship is great all the time, it doesn’t seem to help!”
When a woman hears this, she feels blindsided and it feels as if her world is crumbling down around her and then she instinctively does what doesn’t work.
I remember when this happened to me. I had been dating a man I thought I was going to marry. We were hanging out over at his parent’s house with him and all of his family (I’d always wanted to marry a man who had a great family), and for some reason his energy felt so distant. (If I had known what I know now, I would’ve known exactly what to do and not to do.) He was acting weird and I had no idea why, all I knew was that I didn’t like it and I wanted to talk to him about it and get some reassurance.
I decided to leave early and there was a part of me hoping he’d tell me to stay…but he didn’t. I couldn’t stand the weirdness any longer so I asked him what was wrong? He told me that he felt confused and that he didn’t know why, but he would call me tomorrow.
I drove home not understanding what was going on, only a few days before we had been talking about getting married, planning a future, going on trips together, what in the hell was happening???
Sunday morning he texted, “I miss you.” (I can’t believe I was able to resist not texting him for that long!) It had been the longest day and night of my life… I felt so relieved and happy. I expected things to go right back to normal, but they didn’t. He kept a little more “space” between the two of us than before and because I didn’t know the natural energy exchange between two romantic partners… I did what doesn’t work. I kept moving towards him trying to “close the gap” between us.
I instinctively wanted to show him what a great girlfriend I was by being super nice, sweet, and understanding of whatever it was he was going through… (Ewwww!!!)
The Secret to Re-balancing And Reconnecting Your Relationship
Stop Closing The Gap By Doing And Giving
Here’s the thing… I know you’re a strong, confident, capable woman who’s pretty much accomplished anything and everything you’ve put your mind to… so why can’t you seem to be successful when it comes to your relationship?
My clients are some of the strongest women I know.
Women are SOOO capable of making things happen when they have a desire for something and this is exactly what sabotages their relationship, no matter how loving and caring they might be. (Please remember, if it’s easy for you to call, text, make plans – it’s even easier for him. (It’s in his DNA!)
When we really love someone, we want to give and do for them. To us, it only feels natural.
The more we give and do for the man we love, the more we step into our masculine energy (leaning forward energy) and then he automatically goes into his feminine energy (leaning back energy).
The more we move towards him unknowingly trying to get something from him, no matter how innocent our intentions, the more he instinctively moves away. If we’re always moving towards our man, he has no space to move towards us and then his attraction starts to fade. He needs that space to build and feel attraction. He’s not even aware of this so he can’t tell you why.
In order to re-balance the relationship, all you need to do is STOP leaning forward by doing and giving. I know it sounds too simple, but I’ve seen it happen over and over again.
Imagine you’re in a tiny rowboat with your man. Imagine going towards him causing the boat to almost tip over a few times. Notice how you feel? Why are you moving towards him, instead of allowing him to move towards you?
What’s he doing?
If you’re over on his end standing up and using a lot of energy to try and show him how much you love him, the boat is going to tip over.
Now, imagine slowly moving to opposite end of the tiny rowboat, naturally creating space between the two of you.
How does that feel?
What’s he doing now?
Most likely he’ll start moving towards you. He won’t be able to help it.
Once you understand the natural energy exchange in your relationship, you’ll be able to create (allow) a deeper connection between the two of you by trusting that if he’s the man for you, he’s going to “close the gap” all on his own, without you having to say a word.
When you trust that the right man for you will instinctively and automatically close the gap, he’ll unconsciously see you as a high value woman.
If you don’t trust that the right man for you will “close the gap” you’ll feel compelled to chase and pursue to get a man’s love, and you’ll consistently be frustrated and disappointed in your love life.
It’s what we STOP doing that can create the deep connections we crave. When we stop doing so much we open up space for real love.
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