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Closure to Move On? Here’s What to Do…After all of this time the thought of your breakup still nauseates you. Your mind seems to cycle from depression to anger then despair and around again. You start to wonder, “Have I totally lost it? Why can’t I move on?”

You’ve changed hair styles twice since he left you. Your best friends shut you down when you utter the same monotonous, repetitive questions trying to figure out why he didn’t love you. You have a stack of self-help books by your bed. The amount of energy you’ve expended could literally blow up his car trying to retrace the steps from “I love you” to “We’re done.” Your inner mantra: “Why did he choose her?  Why not me? I must know before I can go insane.”

Have you heard these thoughts rumbling in that precious little head of yours?

No matter how many people tell you to ‘let it go,’ you are determined feeling that closureis just what you need to heal your heart. Well, here goes my fragile romantic. The very least anyone can offer are a few heartfelt tips to coach you through this painful tunnel so you return from a zombie to a real human being again.

Tips for Entering His Space and Getting Closure:

1. Timing Is Everything, Especially NOW

Reach out indiscriminately protecting both your egos. AKA – walking up to him at a family wedding when he’s dancing with his date is NOT a good time, not even close to a good.

Closure to Move On and Talk to Your Ex on the Phone?a. Do politely ask him if he has a few moments to share in a human voice. Do not via text or use other forms of social media. It’s far too easy for him to ignore you.  You need some control. Using social media puts you in a weak position.

b. Do give him some space which means don’t jump on his pause. Give him the feeling of empowerment in this sometimes awkward moment and let him exit if that is his choosing. Successful closure takes two!

c. Do realize that just because you can’t stop thinking of him doesn’t mean you honestly haven’t crossed his mind in a long time. Like a ghost coming out of thin air, you might have shocked him.

2. Stay in the NOW No Matter What

If your’e still furious that he’s now with your ex best friend, you are NOT ready for closure. Any and all communications need to focused on the now.

a. Do speak clearly and calmly. If you are talking fast, whimpering like a hurt puppy left on the sidewalk, or pissed off – the kind of closure you need will not happen. Act like the classy lady your are.

b. Do allow yourself a moment to look into his eyes and say nothing.  An estimated 70-80 percent of all communications are nonverbal.  Get your hands off your hip and look at him directly in the eyes. No waving hands or tapping toes and no pathetic looks of loss and rejection. Remember, youre a woman worth loving.

c. Do watch his nonverbal cues in a charming, polite way. Be sure you don’t eye him up and down like a fox ready to eat her prey. You are human not a black widow.

d. Listen with your head noticing his intonation and body gestures just as much as the actual words he utters. The heart has no mind and I know this is easier said than done.

e. Do be proactive, not reactive, if he hesitates, backs off, shakes you off. The cause might not be because he hates you but perhaps has not gotten closure himself and has unspoken pain and regrets. Your’e smart, act that way!

3. Keep Up the Appearance of Sanity NOW

No matter what happens, this may be your last chance to ever see him again. Be the girl he fell for, whispered he loved to, went on vacations with. This is it; go time. Go big or go home or regret this moment for the rest of your life.

Next month,  ‘How to Handle Closure When It Comes Out of Nowhere and Least Expect It.’

April Kirkwood, M.Ed.

April Kirkwood, M.Ed., is the best selling author of Big Girls Do Cry which is a memoir of the sometimes hilarious journey of her life and her three decade affair with Mr. Frankie Valli of The 4 Seasons.  She speaks with passion, humor, and heart as she uplifts her audience empowering others to have clarity and strength so they positively step into the next stage of their lives with a vision, self confidence and a definite plan of action.

Miss Kirkwood has two masters in counseling and two decades in the public and private field of mental health.

Her message is strong and universal.  Always follow your heart as long as it’s not above your head. She knows a miracle in just a change in perception.  Her examples are entertaining stories about women, life, and love.

What Do You Think?

3 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Joann Mesaris Jul 17, 2016 at 4:23 pm

    Omg the only one who can heal a broken heart is the one who made u. God.

  • kay Sep 21, 2015 at 9:39 am

    I admire anyone who can get closure. I am experiencing the same at this moment. I was dating a guy who saw other women and I knew about it, it was a shock at first but afterwards I accepted because he was interesting and I enjoyed his company at times. For almost two years this was the kind of relationship we had and I accepted that. Until recently, it was ok but then he met a person who talks about spiritural growth. When he told me he was going to bed with the person who teaches spiritural growth and that she had left her husband because of a devastating illness I felt I had to close this relationship it was so hard for me to think that he would stoop so low as to bed down a married women knowing her husband was ill and that she had walked out on him. It was against my morals. It made me feel that he did not have empathy for anyone. It has been hard but relieved that I made the decision to break it off, because I know he would not stop seeing her so all I could think of was how low can someone be. I do not need it, and no one needs being controlled by emotions that is not recipacated.

  • ann book Sep 18, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    I have a question ? How do you know if closure is what you need to let go or should you just not even care and just move on ? I sometimes want closure for the peace of me, but then i wonder to myself if i even really need it or not !!!


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