After all of this time the thought of your breakup still nauseates you. Your mind seems to cycle from depression to anger then despair and around again. You start to wonder, “Have I totally lost it? Why can’t I move on?”
You’ve changed hair styles twice since he left you. Your best friends shut you down when you utter the same monotonous, repetitive questions trying to figure out why he didn’t love you. You have a stack of self-help books by your bed. The amount of energy you’ve expended could literally blow up his car trying to retrace the steps from “I love you” to “We’re done.” Your inner mantra: “Why did he choose her? Why not me? I must know before I can go insane.”
Have you heard these thoughts rumbling in that precious little head of yours?
No matter how many people tell you to ‘let it go,’ you are determined feeling that ‘closure’ is just what you need to heal your heart. Well, here goes my fragile romantic. The very least anyone can offer are a few heartfelt tips to coach you through this painful tunnel so you return from a zombie to a real human being again.
Tips for Entering His Space and Getting Closure:
1. Timing Is Everything, Especially NOW
Reach out indiscriminately protecting both your egos. AKA – walking up to him at a family wedding when he’s dancing with his date is NOT a good time, not even close to a good.
a. Do politely ask him if he has a few moments to share in a human voice. Do not via text or use other forms of social media. It’s far too easy for him to ignore you. You need some control. Using social media puts you in a weak position.
b. Do give him some space which means don’t jump on his pause. Give him the feeling of empowerment in this sometimes awkward moment and let him exit if that is his choosing. Successful closure takes two!
c. Do realize that just because you can’t stop thinking of him doesn’t mean you honestly haven’t crossed his mind in a long time. Like a ghost coming out of thin air, you might have shocked him.
2. Stay in the NOW No Matter What
If your’e still furious that he’s now with your ex best friend, you are NOT ready for closure. Any and all communications need to focused on the now.
a. Do speak clearly and calmly. If you are talking fast, whimpering like a hurt puppy left on the sidewalk, or pissed off – the kind of closure you need will not happen. Act like the classy lady your are.
b. Do allow yourself a moment to look into his eyes and say nothing. An estimated 70-80 percent of all communications are nonverbal. Get your hands off your hip and look at him directly in the eyes. No waving hands or tapping toes and no pathetic looks of loss and rejection. Remember, ‘your’e a woman worth loving.’
c. Do watch his nonverbal cues in a charming, polite way. Be sure you don’t eye him up and down like a fox ready to eat her prey. You are human not a black widow.
d. Listen with your head noticing his intonation and body gestures just as much as the actual words he utters. The heart has no mind and I know this is easier said than done.
e. Do be proactive, not reactive, if he hesitates, backs off, shakes you off. The cause might not be because he hates you but perhaps has not gotten closure himself and has unspoken pain and regrets. Your’e smart, act that way!
3. Keep Up the Appearance of Sanity NOW
No matter what happens, this may be your last chance to ever see him again. Be the girl he fell for, whispered he loved to, went on vacations with. This is it; go time. Go big or go home or regret this moment for the rest of your life.
Next month, ‘How to Handle Closure When It Comes Out of Nowhere and Least Expect It.’