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Today I want to take a minute to answer a question that I get a lot about being the “other woman”…

S  asks:

“The boy I love has a girlfriend. For 2 months now he has been cheating on her with….me. The thing is…I’m way prettier than her, I have plans for the future, I’m really fun and clever I just don’t get how he can still be with her. What does she have that I don’t? He says she’s insecure and all that stuff…

What am I doing wrong? Why do I always end up being the “other” if I am better than she is?”

Well, Sarah,
you know the old saying “Why go out for a hamburger when you have steak at home? Because sometimes a greasy burger is delicious”

How can he still be with her?

Because he is getting two women and there seem to be no problems.

What does she have that you don’t?

Absolutely nothing.  He is just getting two women at the moment and has no intention of stopping that.  If you can get both steak and hamburger and all you have to do is decide which one you want to have for dinner…well life couldn’t get much sweeter than that.

What are you doing wrong?

You’re still sleeping with him.  Right now you are giving away the steak for free.  Now, I don’t know you and both of you women are probably pretty and fun and wonderful to be around.  You might think you’re better, and while I applaud your self confidence he might find both of you equally pretty, equally funny and equally wonderful.

Yes, he said she is insecure, but you should be taking anything he says with a huge grain of salt.  Anything he is saying to you, he is saying with the intention of keeping you around.

I’ll be honest, I don’t like this guy…

First off it sounds like the woman he is with doesn’t know he’s cheating which makes me want to go Rambo on him and rip his head off.  Second, he’s stringing you along, feeding you lines just to keep you around so he can get in your pants and deliver some A1 steak sauce.

So what do you do about this?

First of all take a good honest moment with yourself and decide whether or not you want to be with him.  Is he going to stay faithful to you even if you start an exclusive relationship with him? He is the kind of man you want to devote yourself to?

If you still want to be with him then this is exactly what you need to do.  Look him in the eye and say “Look me up when you’re single” and walk away.

I’m sure you’ve heard Michael say that before, and it’s the smartest thing you can do in this situation.  Take the steak off the table.  If he wants to be with you, then he is going to have to put in the work.  He is going to have to decide which woman he wants to be with and then BE with her.

If he picks you, great. He made a choice, and he is going to stick with it.  A word of warning…don’t let him sweet talk you into staying with him or being with him for any reason if he is still with his girlfriend.  Remember he wants to keep you around, he wants to keep this easy, he wants to have both of you….don’t fall for those sweet nothings he whispers in your ear.

If he doesn’t pick you, that’s okay too.  At least you aren’t being strung along, feeling like the “other woman” and you can go out and find a guy who will give you everything you need both inside and outside of the bedroom.

My personal opinion…walk away from him and never look back.  There are way better guys out there and you deserve better than this.  That being said, I totally understand that it’s hard to get over guys and I recommend you check out Claire Casey’s Kindle Book “You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: 6 Simple Steps To Get Over Any Guy“.


Maggie is our resident Support Diva. She solves order problems, follows all the clues, closes all the cases, and enjoys giving out new passwords that are references to Doctor Who. She’s not sure which she loves more, her husband of almost 2 years or their joint comic book collection.

Fun fact: Maggie sends and receives more email per day than the entire population of the Republic of Seychelles!1

What Do You Think?

4 Comments | Join the discussion

  • hari Oct 26, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    I know a woman like that. she’s married and offered a shoulder to my husband who I was married to for 20yrs. he fell for her and she helped him sexually. All this time fooling her husband telling him they were just friends. She broke up my marriage but wants to keep her’s and my ex on the side.

  • Julia Oct 22, 2013 at 5:58 am

    Maggie, you say you don’t like the guy, but I personally don’t like the girl asking this, either!

  • Joanne Jul 26, 2013 at 7:05 am

    How old is that ditz? I mean, really? I’m prettier than her? She sounds dumb too. Love isn’t about being pretty if you’re ugly on the inside. Shallow people need to work on themselves. Love isn’t about who is prettier to compete for the same man. Geez, grow up.

    • Lynn   Joanne Jul 28, 2013 at 1:17 pm

      I totally agree. Even if I think I am prettier, I wouldn’t want to go around saying it. It takes more than being pretty…you have to be good for him too.


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