By · @CRichHanson  ·

You: “Hi Jeremy. I know you broke up with me and I have to accept your decision. I was just wondering… how’s your new job?”

Texts and Nice Text Message? Don’t Get Confused With the Mixed SignalJeremy: “Great! Miss you.”

Now that “miss you” text from him is enough to send a pining female zooming back down the wow-there-might-be-a-relationship-with-him-after-all track fist pumping the air!

Let’s decode those texts in the hearts and minds of each sender:

Your mindset in the text that you sent: “Hi Love Of My Entire Life Forever And Ever. I hate that you broke up with me but I’ll try reverse psychology and seem compliant, but secretly I just NEED to hear SOMETHING from you so that I know you haven’t forgotten me. ”

Jeremy’s mindset: “Job is going great. I do miss you for fleeting moments at certain times, like when you just sent me this text, but then 2 seconds from now, I will forget about you.”

Or, have you ever thrown out this texting bait…

You: “Hey baby, I was wondering if we could meet for dinner…just as friends?”

Him: “Sure.”

That “sure” will send you doing a jig in your kitchen with your mind RACING that he wants you back because “dinner” is reserved for someone special!

Now let’s decode what each of you are thinking from the bait you threw out in the lake of former love relationships

Your Mindset: “I’m desperate and not doing well with our break-up and I need a YOU-fix and I think I can act ‘friend-like’ but maybe you’ll see me in my hottest LBD and want to take me home. Here goes nothing…”

The Ex-Boyfriend: “Yeah I could do dinner if you’re cool with us being friends now and hopefully that dinner is early enough before I go meet up with my new hot date.”

Ow.

Or, how about this scenario….you’re not initiating contact and out-of-the-blue he texts:

“Hoping you have a great birthday this week.”

What?!

Most guys don’t remember a birthday when you’re together and now he breaks up and sends this message in advance of your special day?!!

Many a girlfriend, technically, ex-girlfriend, would think the following in rapid-fire sequence:

“He wants to get back with me, he’s embarrassed he broke up, and I need to go after him to let him know I forgive him and I’m cool with us getting back together.”

Don’t do it. Keep reading…

Why does an ex-boyfriend send nice, hope-filled texts after he’s broken up with you?

Because those messages are “nice and hope-filled” in your mind alone.

To him, he’s being practical…in that moment.

There is a huge difference over the meaning that your mind is fantasizing and creating vs. his intention in that moment.

In fact, many men’s intention in a text-moment is to avoid conflict or a confrontation from an EX-girlfriend.

Therefore, men have a way of being quite friendly, but then not responding at all if you call him out accusing him that he’s “leading you on.”

Has that happened to you? Can you look back and see that it’s possible that he was being nice rather than being mean-spirited to falsely get your hopes up?

Despite what he said nicely, he had zero intention of getting back with you. Or at least until he shows up on your doorstep to properly date you again.

Some ex-boyfriends will be flirtatious or suggestive via the cell phone, and in THAT moment he felt that way, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to act on it.

However, for you, if he’s broken up, it’s best for you to move on, on, on!

Have zero need to lurk around for a guy who has moved on from you.

You move on to.

Hope this helps deflate your mind’s need to attribute fantasy meaning to his words.

Bottom line:

He broke up. Believe that action and find thankfulness that he had the courage to do so– setting you free to allow a great man to come into your life!

Christine Rich Hanson

Christine Rich Hanson enjoys one romantic mission: helping you discover the love life you were meant to have.

Get your FREE gift: “The Cheat Sheet For Dealing With Men” Christine’s e-booklet that gives you the foundation to avoid the mistakes with men. Get it at: www.ChristineRichHanson.com right now where you’ll also find comfort in her writings.

What Do You Think?

10 Comments | Join the discussion

  • Apple Mar 7, 2016 at 12:19 pm

    So can I ask a question there was no breakup per se just more attention needed toward work. I have the tyeb program I’m learning so I’m kinda confused. If and when I do send the text and they do text back it’s just to b nice? So lost with this one

    Reply
    • Apple   Apple Mar 7, 2016 at 12:21 pm

      Oh and I haven’t seen the person in 2 weeks and no texts since a week!

      Reply
  • David Cisneroz Feb 6, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    After 2.50 years she decides to break up. Then texts to check how I’m doing she says she missed me st times hurts a lot still.

    Reply
    • Christine Rich Hanson   David Cisneroz Feb 6, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      My heart goes out to you David. Thank you for sharing your heartache. I’m glad you’re reading the good information on this site and hope each day heals.

      I appreciate you taking the time to share.

      Best,
      Christine

      Reply
  • Corbie Feb 5, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    Christine, I have to say your post is hilarious. I died laughing when I read your breakdowns of “his mindset” vs “your mindset.” Pretty raw and accurate! Hella!

    Reply
    • Christine Rich Hanson   Corbie Feb 5, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Aww!! Thanks so much Corbie and I feel thrilled that you found a laugh in what is sometimes such a painful subject! Thanks very much for taking the time to share.

      Best,
      Christine

      Reply
  • Elizabeth Stone

    Elizabeth Stone Feb 5, 2016 at 9:48 am

    Excellent article! Hard to remember and sometimes our default is to try to create conflict. The letting go message at the end is key.

    Reply
    • Christine Rich Hanson   Elizabeth Stone Feb 5, 2016 at 10:37 am

      Thank you Elizabeth. You are wise! Letting go becomes “accepting what is” and trusting that there is a better and new direction for your romantic journey. All the more reason to let go. Well said and thanks for commenting!!

      Hugs,
      Christine

      Reply
  • Blueberry Feb 5, 2016 at 9:12 am

    wow this happens to me and it’s confusing. I guess I can be friendly to someone I
    don’t want to get back together with. So you saying we interject our desires and read
    into the situation?

    Reply
    • Christine Rich Hanson   Blueberry Feb 5, 2016 at 9:24 am

      Hi Blueberry…yes, you got it. We all operate off of our experience (history) and desires most of the time–even unknowingly. It’s so easy to “read into” someone’s actions with what really amounts to our desires. Then when they don’t live up to our expectations, it’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming them when really we didn’t need to put our desires on them…especially when there’s a situation that’s not reciprocated. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply

Leave a Comment

Your name will appear above your comment. You may use a “pen name”.