You: “Hi Jeremy. I know you broke up with me and I have to accept your decision. I was just wondering… how’s your new job?”
Now that “miss you” text from him is enough to send a pining female zooming back down the wow-there-might-be-a-relationship-with-him-after-all track fist pumping the air!
Let’s decode those texts in the hearts and minds of each sender:
Your mindset in the text that you sent: “Hi Love Of My Entire Life Forever And Ever. I hate that you broke up with me but I’ll try reverse psychology and seem compliant, but secretly I just NEED to hear SOMETHING from you so that I know you haven’t forgotten me. ”
Jeremy’s mindset: “Job is going great. I do miss you for fleeting moments at certain times, like when you just sent me this text, but then 2 seconds from now, I will forget about you.”
Or, have you ever thrown out this texting bait…
You: “Hey baby, I was wondering if we could meet for dinner…just as friends?”
That “sure” will send you doing a jig in your kitchen with your mind RACING that he wants you back because “dinner” is reserved for someone special!
Now let’s decode what each of you are thinking from the bait you threw out in the lake of former love relationships…
Your Mindset: “I’m desperate and not doing well with our break-up and I need a YOU-fix and I think I can act ‘friend-like’ but maybe you’ll see me in my hottest LBD and want to take me home. Here goes nothing…”
The Ex-Boyfriend: “Yeah I could do dinner if you’re cool with us being friends now and hopefully that dinner is early enough before I go meet up with my new hot date.”
Or, how about this scenario….you’re not initiating contact and out-of-the-blue he texts:
“Hoping you have a great birthday this week.”
Most guys don’t remember a birthday when you’re together and now he breaks up and sends this message in advance of your special day?!!
Many a girlfriend, technically, ex-girlfriend, would think the following in rapid-fire sequence:
“He wants to get back with me, he’s embarrassed he broke up, and I need to go after him to let him know I forgive him and I’m cool with us getting back together.”
Don’t do it. Keep reading…
Why does an ex-boyfriend send nice, hope-filled texts after he’s broken up with you?
Because those messages are “nice and hope-filled” in your mind alone.
To him, he’s being practical…in that moment.
There is a huge difference over the meaning that your mind is fantasizing and creating vs. his intention in that moment.
In fact, many men’s intention in a text-moment is to avoid conflict or a confrontation from an EX-girlfriend.
Therefore, men have a way of being quite friendly, but then not responding at all if you call him out accusing him that he’s “leading you on.”
Has that happened to you? Can you look back and see that it’s possible that he was being nice rather than being mean-spirited to falsely get your hopes up?
Despite what he said nicely, he had zero intention of getting back with you. Or at least until he shows up on your doorstep to properly date you again.
Some ex-boyfriends will be flirtatious or suggestive via the cell phone, and in THAT moment he felt that way, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to act on it.
However, for you, if he’s broken up, it’s best for you to move on, on, on!
Have zero need to lurk around for a guy who has moved on from you.
You move on to.
Hope this helps deflate your mind’s need to attribute fantasy meaning to his words.